Frankly, nobody knows who he is, or what he's doing here. He is, however, short, Asian, and apparantly as mute as dead babies. Nobody has ever heard him speak, or indeed do anything except scuttle to his room, giving a small diminutive nod as he does so.

In my opinion, I think he's involved in all sorts of sordid and dangerous activities, probably involving pins, or something. Every so often, I'll hear a thud from his room. Now, some might say that this could be attributed to him dropping a book, etc. Perfectly normal things. I mean, I regularly try to destroy my crockery by throwing it on the floor (and last night succeeded for the first time! Hurrah!). I think it's more sinister, and have surmised the followuing scenario:
 

• He enters room. He cannot speak, because he will let slip what he's about to do. He's THAT excited.
• He closes door, having nodded first.
• Removes all clothes.
• Covers himself in mayonnaise.
• Takes genetically mutated overgrown hamsters from secret hole in floor. He has made them using evil Frankenstein-style science. They can live only on ... mayonnaise.
• He lays on his table, and lets them eat from his face!!!
• Shocking, I know, but really, given all the facts, that's the only sensible conclusion to come to. Thank you.